Even in the midst of living my best life, I still felt a pull to something else. In my new career it got around that I could bake. I was then volun-told I’d be the baker for our team’s monthly birthday celebrations. The first time I brought in a homemade baked-good, my boss looked at me and said “You shouldn’t be working here. You need your own bakery”. That October, the company’s yearly United Way Fundraiser arrived and my team, once again, told me I’d be baking over 100 cupcakes to sell. As the cupcakes got around and people asked who made them, random people would come up to my desk just to tell me how much they enjoyed my Red Velvet cupcakes; my boss personally walked several people directly to me. While I enjoyed the compliments, I still was very much comfortable where I was in my career. Why would I give that up?
Years prior to this position, I relocated back to my hometown with the intention of going into business for myself. However, when that plan didn’t pan out, I simply said forget it and started working a “normal” job. No matter how many times it came up or how strongly it stayed on my heart, I pushed it away. I’d have dreams of working in a bakery. Family and friends would have the same dream. Many of them had more faith in my gift of baking than I. Still, I was content with where my life was. Why go through the pain of it not working out again? If this was really God’s plan for me, He’d have to remove me from the workforce Himself.
January 2017, I return to work after the holiday to the unfortunate news that my boss had a stroke, her second one while working for this company. She has since recovered and able to return to work, praise God. However, for the sake of her health, she decided not to return as our boss. Now, the professional atmosphere had completely changed. Every morning as I got dressed for work, my mind was full of despair. This was no longer a place I wanted to retire from; instead I wondered how I could escape. Some days were so bad, I’d come home and cry myself to sleep. As much as I prayed, I assumed I’d have to stick it out. What other choice did I have? How else would I eat and pay my bills? As a woman nearing her mid 30s, it’d be considered suicide to start over.
The more I sought the Lord with my frustrations, the more He reminded me of the passion He created within me. I’d run into a coworker, whom I’d never met mind you, but they followed With Love from Karen (my cake page) on Facebook and they’d instantly refer to me as the cake lady and ask when I planned to open a bakery. Kendra (a woman of faith and 10 years my senior) and I had built a friendship, even outside of work and a few times over the years she’d walk into my cube and I knew instantly she had a message from God. April 11, 2018 was no different. She immediately explained how as of December 2017 it was easier and cheaper to start a business. She spoke life into me for several minutes as I looked at her in disbelief. One thing I will never forget her saying was “It’s a mandate from the Lord; it’s not your choice”. Byron, my new cubemate, was aware of my gift. He wasn’t as pleasant as everyone else. He outright called me a coward! He had a joke going with a few others on our team; they’d say I must not like money because I’m standing on a goldmine. I could be a millionaire by now with the gifts and talent I have. Byron would ask me directly why I haven’t begun to work for myself. Every reason I gave he shut down as an excuse. December 6, 2018 I received a text message from Leah. We attend the same church together and had recently started a prayer team. Her message said “I believe God wants you to hear how to run a successful business...check it out.” with a video attachment.
As 2018 ended, I knew it was time for me to leave my job. After years of denial, I embraced the idea. However, I still had no direction on when or what to do. January 2019 the company is making major changes nationwide. After several meetings there was still no clear understanding of where my team was headed. By now half the office has moved to another location or have been let go. April 23, 2019 we are informed our position is being eliminated. My team has until June 30th to find another job or we are to leave with severance pay. As the director of HR announced this, I immediately knew this was my way out. I tried to hide the look of excitement on my face with the news. Two days later, April 25th, my grandmother passed away.
I take some days off from work for bereavement. Grief begins to take a toll on my faith. I pour all time and energy into looking for employment; within the company and elsewhere. My Pastor posted positions at the church’s headquarters and says he’d put in a good word for me. Finding a new job became my full time job. I had many different formats of my resume; I applied almost anywhere that offered the same or more pay as I currently made. I began to do phone and in-person interviews. I even received wonderful feedback. Despite the effort I made and those who spoke on my behalf, no offers came. Week after week, I was met with rejection after rejection.
I’d had enough. Sunday, May 19, 2019 I pray before bed. I pour all frustrations, anger, and disappointments before the Lord. I’ve watched many coworkers get hired into new positions, moving into the new season of their lives. How can I possibly be rejected so many times when I am a daughter of the most High God! It just didn’t make sense. For almost a month now, I had been depending on my own strength and wisdom. I had finally reached my breaking point. I asked God to show me as I slept what His will/purpose was for my life. I blatantly asked the Lord to show me my future in a dream.
Now, I pretty much knew this would guarantee me to dream while I slept. I expected it. I figured I’d dream of being an author, prayer warrior, missionary, serving in the church, or leading women's small group. Something, ANYTHING to do with church. I was wrong.
I had 2 dreams. In the first dream, I am moving around hurriedly. Although I can’t see what I am doing, I am moving very fast paced. Finally, I standstill, inhale and look around; I am standing inside my own bakery. Upon waking up and wrapping my mind around my answered prayer, I confided in a friend what my prayer was and what I assumed I’d dream. She responded, “Well, He knows what’s most on your heart right now”. Facts. ALL FACTS. *The second dream will be revealed in Crazy Faith Part 2*
That same morning, Monday, May 20, 2019 I received three additional rejections, all internal positions. Three!!! This is the first time in a month I haven’t been sad or felt the need to cry upon getting news a job didn’t want me. God showed me what He has for me, there was no need to waste any more time and energy applying or interviewing. I knew what my future held. I still had no idea of the details or how I’d get there, but my Heavenly Father does.
My last day in the office was June 25, 2019. As I drove away, I felt free. My time was finally mine! No one else to tell me when to clock in, take a break or eat lunch. It was scary to no longer have the guaranteed direct deposit every other Friday, BUT the peace of knowing I was finally walking into God’s will for my life was priceless. God is a personal God. Every soul on this earth has specific gifts and passions for a reason. I am ashamed of the time I wasted in disobedience; running away from the very things that make me who I am. However, I am now more determined to never make this mistake again. It’s God’s way, or no way!
